Saturday, August 22, 2009

ESTRANGEMENT

This is an odd word. But it has deep meaning to me. I am now officially estranged with my daughter. Quick turn around wasn't it?

I am very unsure of how it happened but suffice it to say, I will not be treated with disrespect in my own home.

So for the first time in almost a year, I am living alone. I have spent the last 24 hours in a hurt daze. But now I move forward. You know me. I will always move forward.

I want to see the positive in this so I will make a list! First though, I do not hate living alone. I have done it a lot over the past 9.5 years. Most of the time there is great peace there.

1. Peace...when you live alone....you come home to a peace filled home (99% of the time)
2. Utilities: the cost of my utilities will be cut by at least 2/3-when alone I am very strict about the a/c not being on, the lights being off, etc.
3. Clean home: I was in a situation where even if I cleaned it would not stay that way. Now it will
4. What I buy will stay on the cabinet.
5. I can hatch chicks and not feel bad by not helping them out of their shells.
6. I can now guilt free butcher the chicks I hatch (yes this was a problem...her heart was too soft)

One thing that was said to me in an attempt to be hurtful was my ownership of my home...it was thrown back at me as if it was a bad thing. I lived in a camper for two years to save for a down payment. I am proud of the fact that I was able, as a single woman to buy a 3 acre farm. I will not allow anyone to remove that part of my pride. I work hard every day to maintain an income and this home.

So now I move forward. As with animals, my heart hardens on any who runs away. I offer the gift of my home....I will not require that they stay. I simply require respect.

5 comments:

Faith said...

Oh, no!

Well, that makes two of us, dear sister.

I have no idea why my own daughter will have nothing to with me either. I've asked.

Very odd turn-around indeed. And I'm sure you are going through a second mourning in the last month or so. I'm so sorry.

I pray for reconciliation. That your daughter will miss you enough to come and seek it with you.

~Faith

SWEETHEARTS MOM said...

thank you Faith. The same to you. Did we do this to our parents?

Peggy said...

I am so sorry that your daughter doesn't realize what a wonderful mom she has. One day she will open her eyes and her heart. You are a amazing woman that has done and is doing what most women dream of. HUgs my friend

Rita said...

Some single mom's dump their children on whomever and take off. We were good mom's who did our best even if we were not our child's childhood dream of a mom. I have a son who is very personable comes around when he feels like it and won't come even for an emergency when he does not. I have set my heart away from him over these last 20 years. We were to good together during his first 15 years when his father was no place to be found. He turned on me and comes back when he needs something or takes a notion. I love him but I'm no longer waiting for him to come. This years birthday present and card are wrapped and waiting in the closet. I didn't treat my parents like this and I must have a measure of respect for myself and not let him take me down. He can walk on. It's ok now. He is grown. When he chooses to come back I'll be here. (unless he waits to long and none of us have control of that)

lisa said...

Your in my prayers..Just know alot of us have been through something like that and prayer does work and time does heal.I have a 34 year old that has been in prison( 23 days only) and blames me for everything.It took everything with in my power not to believe him..The good thing is that we are working on a son and mom relationship..I rarely hear from him just because..it's only when he wants something still. My love is still there but I am also going on with my life..that is the important thing is to go on with life...Lisa