Coming to grips

I am sitting in the dark in front of the fire, lap top on the picnic table. I took a few turns around the orchard with the mower knocking down the highest weeds, fed and watered everyone, and then decided there had been enough rain to burn down the fire pit. While sitting here watching the flames, I am doing a lot of thinking about my nephew.

I want to yell at him to fight, to get through somehow to him and make him know how important he is to us. I am afraid I didn't do that while he was awake. I hope I get another chance.

I am sure his mom is sitting at home right now going over and over in her mind the last 24 years. Did she do everything she could to make sure he knew this? His father is sitting at the hospital right now thinking the same thing. Both probably wishing they could change a million things just like me.

I am glad my daughter got to play online games with him often. Almost daily they would touch base online in some part of World of Warcraft. They looked different there, but they still were friends and cousins.

I remember leaving their home one day about 6 years ago...before he became ill....he was playing online one of these games, there were 2 other boys sitting around him and my thought was simply..through him these two will find Christ.

One has.....the other is still wandering.

My sister has Stuey and Vader...her dogs who love her. She has the most amazing friends...a bunch of them. She is blessed with a job that will keep her busy, and she has a family who loves her. Yet this is her only child. Selfishly I want Michael to fight harder for his mom. Because she has fought so very hard for him.

But it is selfish. He is crippled. When he wakes (I am optimistic) it is hard for him to get around, and he is dependant on his mom to take care of him. It is selfish of me to want him to stay and live this kind of life...when his next life is one without any sickness or weakness. No sadness. And one that he will get to spend with his Lord.

Yet I want (need) him to fight. If it were my son....I would need this. If it were me I would hope I would fight with everything in me. And yet be ready to go with God says it is time.

Will I be ready to let him go then? I don't think so. If he were my own child I know I would not. I don't think I have ever known well someone who has lost a child. I don't know what to expect with my sis but for right now I still am praying for God to provide the strength he needs to fight and the same for his mom. Thank you all for your prayers.